Realization: Uninked & Present
I learned recently that feeling nostalgic is a sign of having been happy. That doesn't always mean good news.
I always wanted a tattoo, especially one that could represent “letting go” and accepting reality as it is. I wanted it so I could have the reminder on my skin every single day.
Through time, the “inspo” for that tattoo kept changing. In my teens, it was the image of the little girl with the red balloon. In my early twenties it was simply the phrase itself. But I’m turning 30 this year, uninked and still not mastering the art of letting go.
I often wonder why and how, it’s so easy for others to move on - or so it seems- and don’t get me wrong, I don’t let sad flashbacks and thoughts, prevent me from having fun. I live my life to the “fullest” — I quote fullest because I believe I can live better than this — But deep down there’s always some nostalgic memory that accompanies me wherever I go.
I learned recently that feeling nostalgic is a sign of having been happy. I believe that. But that doesn’t always necessarily means good news. Sometimes, we are nostalgic for moments we didn’t appreciate enough, happiness that we didn’t recognize we were feeling, people that we took for granted. And so, feeling nostalgic seems cruel, like a reminder of times when we were too naïve (the bad kind of naïve) and it leaves a taste of “loser” in our souls.
I accepted a while ago, that I take longer than others, to forget, to replace, to be “done” with what it’s done, so I needed to learn skills to survive the “lows”, because I was too afraid of missing what I didn’t know I had. That fear made me become someone that recognizes happiness when it’s happening within me, success when I get it, love when it enters my life. The habit of doing my best, to be my best version when I interact with my surroundings, grew in me.
“No more regrets in the future” I thought for so short.
Nostalgia came anyways. When things and people were gone, it struck me again and again, but it seemed to have evolved with me.
Now when the blues seasons hit me like a bucket of cold water, I still could find beauty in it. I began to remember the good side of details from the same memories that once made me feel so wrong. My perspective had changed — My mind could focus more on how much I have truly loved. How much I have given. —
It made me feel beautiful, like I have a beautiful soul — and it isn’t always easy to see the good in ourselves and own it. But it’s something I’m allowing myself to do more often now — overall, feeling nostalgic just sucked a little less, because even though I still miss hard, I do so, knowing I was fully there when I had the chance. Now I use these melancholic moments, as a window to a marvelous past time. A new type of reminder, of my human condition and power.
I will probably get a tattoo one day, one that embodies my way of accepting what it is… my motto in life:
Be present in everything you do, so when it’s time to miss, you miss with a heart full of love.
Nicole <3