The Run
Short breath, tired feet, blurry vision. She was running away — she’s been doing so for a long time — Everything behind her didn’t matter anymore, or so she tried to tell herself — a lie — she placed that idea into every new place, and new friendship or romance.
After years of ignoring flashbacks and darkness —and living under a fake ray of sunshine — the truth started creeping out of the well she left it in, buried deep within her exhausted brain. The truth was emerging into the light, as it always does, and so she could no longer lie to herself. Everything she thought she left behind, had been following closely, like shadows do, and the time for her to turn around instead of running, was now.
The shadows
They have the same shape of us, but they are missing all the details that make us us — they are just our silhouettes —
When the girl decided to turn to see her shadow, her goal was only to get rid of it, even though at first, she tried to get to know it. She raised her hands up to her chest, but she couldn’t see that in the shadow — the movements, incomplete, lost in the shape of her silhouette — Every so often she made her body move and pretended to control the dark shape. And when her world felt overwhelming, she withdrew from the little light she had in her life… but that only made the shadow grow larger than herself.
What did all this mean? She started to question…
If I can’t see the little things I do, the things I actually want to see… those details that get lost… maybe my shadow is not all that I am.
It grows bigger when I reject the light in my attempt to drown us both — as it also grew within me when I pretended to be fine, to be strong, to have fun, when all my heart needed was my tenderness and trust, for me to rest, to say no, to grieve — now my shadow is so big, I can only feel the cold.
The girl had been merely playing with the shadow and didn’t want to go beyond. So, she turned her back on it again, not understanding where this would leave her — a place where she wouldn’t recognize herself, where things didn’t truly feel like they were going great, no matter how well she pretended. —
Through all the seasons changes, she stood there, not wanting to move anymore. Waiting for everything to fix itself, without running from or facing things — fixed, without her needing to do the job of getting closer to the obscurity that kept following her— maybe out of stubbornness, but she was feeling done.
The light
One day, the girl missed the touch of the sun, and there was nothing in her that wanted to remain standing still anymore. She chose courage as her companion, and with the feet placed firmly on the earth beneath her, she turned around once more — eyes wide open, the heart beating fast — she faced her darkness again and walked closer, closer and closer.
With every step, she shed some tears, and said goodbye to the the girl she had been. Some days, she even shut her eyes, afraid of the things that might appear — though they were never as scary, or perhaps she was strong — but she kept walking, towards the shape of herself that was diminishing more every time.
Life is full of “I did it” moments — like when she reached the same size of her shadow — and when those moments come to us, confidence is reborn in ourselves. With it, we decide to start running forward, not away, and we are no longer afraid of the unknown — we feel hopeful instead —
The now woman, started running to herself — eyes wide open, the heart beating fast — but welcoming the shadow with open arms. She hugged the darkness out of it, until she stood right on top. Surrounded by light, which also emanated from within her, the woman reminisced on everything that brought her to this moment, where the remaining dark circle danced beneath her feet, while she sunbathed under the bluest of skies, finally feeling the bright and warm rays of sunshine on her skin.
Nicole <3
Ps: I’m still finding my style, please bare with me while I go through the rocking waves of changing — I wish you to hug your shadows tight until light comes out of them.
keep writing, Nicole
keep growing
keep changing
🙏🏼
Amazing! 👏